Glossary
A
Accountability Partner
A trusted friend the mentee chooses to receive accountability software reports, pray for him, check in with him, and be available during times of temptation.
Accountability Software
Software for smartphones or computers that filters and blocks objectionable content and sends activity reports (or screenshots) to accountability partners. Popular options include Covenant Eyes, EverAccountable, and Accountable2You. Some men also use minimalist phones like the WisePhone or LightPhone III to avoid internet access. (See also Fences and Loopholes.)
Addiction
A habit-driven behavior offering short-term pleasure or relief, even though the clear-thinking self knows it’s harmful. Common addictions include tobacco, alcohol, illicit drugs, and USB (Unwanted Sexual Behavior). Others can include overeating, overspending, overworking, excessive social media use, or mindless scrolling. Be cautious of replacing one addiction with another. (See also Dopamine.)
B
Bookending Tool
A strategy for breaking secrecy. Before entering a risky situation, the mentee contacts someone they trust, explains what’s happening, asks for prayer, and commits to reporting back afterward.
BRACE (photocopy available in Free to Photocopy Section)An acronym representing a five-step plan for handling temptation:
Breathe deeply
Remember truth (recite Scripture)
Ask God for help
Call your accountability partner
Escape the situation
C
Checking-In Form
A digital form the mentee fills out before meeting with their mentor, helping the mentor know what to address.
Clear-thinking Me
The mature, Christian self who loves God, hates sin, and desires to stop USB. Contrast with Little Me or Panic Me.
Consequences
Self-imposed actions following a crash to make sin less appealing. These can include doing unpleasant tasks (like extra chores), giving something up (desserts or coffee), or donating extra money. Effective consequences help the mentee pause and reconsider temptation.
Crash
When someone crosses a boundary they’ve committed not to cross (in thought or action), committing sexual sin. (See also Draw the Line.)
Crash Report (photocopy available in Free to Photocopy section)
A digital form the mentee fills out after a crash to analyze what happened and how to prevent it in the future. It includes details like time, place, emotions, and triggers. (See also Stay Safe Plan.)
D
Daily Check-in
The daily check-in is a daily habit of reporting how you’re doing, helping you notice early warning signs and stay out of isolation. We do this digitally to automatically report to a group or individual voluntarily.
Daily Disciplines
Healthy daily habits, such as using the FASTER Scale, BRACE, daily check-ins, morning and evening routines, Bible reading, and prayer. These practices help mentees fill their discretionary time wisely.
Dopamine
A brain chemical that creates pleasure. It is released while pursuing a reward. Healthy activities release small amounts of dopamine. USB and risky behaviors release large amounts, creating unhealthy dependency which, sometimes, leads to depression-related symptoms (See also Withdrawal.)
Draw the Line (Worksheet, see ‘Free to Photocopy’ section)
A form where the mentee clearly defines personal boundaries. This allows mentors to help support these boundaries that mentees are proactively creating themselves without policing them.
E
Edging
Engaging in borderline behaviors that aren’t outright sinful but lead toward temptation — like scrolling social media, watching certain videos, or reading magazines with suggestive content.
Emergency Phone Calls
Calls made at the start of temptation, asking someone to help you think clearly and resist acting out, most often with an Accountability Partner. (Contrast with Program Phone Calls.)
F
FASTER Scale
A tool to identify stages of spiritual and emotional decline:
Forgetting priorities
Anxiety
Speeding up
Ticked off
Exhaustion
Relapse
Fences
Barriers that make sin harder to access — filters, blockers, accountability software, and personal commitments (like charging your phone in public areas). Usually formed in collaboration with an Accountability Partner.
Freedom Fight (The)
A recovery resource by Ted Shimer that includes a book, app, and website. The app supports daily check-ins, the FASTER Scale, and small group formation. It is the most helpful program for Conservative Anabaptists that we have found so far.
G
Gateway Activity
A seemingly harmless action that becomes the first step toward temptation, like mindless scrolling or browsing certain content. (See Edging.)
H
“Hoping I’ll ‘accidentally’ see something…”
A deceptive mindset where a person exposes themselves to suggestive content while pretending it was accidental. This crosses a clear boundary into sin (see Matthew 5).
I
"I’ll do whatever it takes!"
A crucial mindset shift where the mentee becomes fully committed to doing whatever is necessary to overcome USB.
L
Lies
False beliefs about ourselves, God, others, or the world, which fuel addictive behavior.
Little Me / Panic Me
The immature, fearful self that feels overwhelmed by difficult situations and seeks escape through USB. The goal is to learn to invite God into these moments rather than panic. (Contrast with Clear-thinking Me.)
Listening Prayer
Sitting quietly before God, asking Him to reveal truth in place of lies we believe. Best learned through example and practice.
Loopholes
Places or opportunities where temptation is still accessible. The mentee should identify and close these vulnerabilities.
Lustful Fantasy
Mentally visualizing or imagining sinful scenarios.
M
Masturbation
Sexually stimulating oneself for arousal, pleasure, or release.
Moral Failure
A term used in recovery settings to acknowledge serious sin without diminishing its gravity or consequences.
Mentoring
A relationship between the Mentor (guide) and the Mentee (learner) in which the Mentor provides guidance, teaches daily disciplines and life skills, and prepares the mentee for challenges ahead. Note: We use the terms Mentor/Mentee instead of Coach/Coachee, as mentees often begin in places of significant brokenness and need.
N
“Name it to Tame it!”
The practice of identifying and naming emotions. Recognizing what we feel enables us to bring those feelings to God and process them in healthy, biblical ways.
P
Painting the Picture
Imagining or visualizing what another person’s sexual experience may have been like. According to Jesus in Matthew 5, this is sin. Mentally placing oneself in these imagined scenarios involves participation in the act.
Policing/Policeman (Commitment against)
A common tendency for mentors to micromanage the rules and boundaries for a mentee, sometimes forcing them to comply. Mentors commit to being a friend and guide rather than a policeman in the mentoring relationship. Example of a friendly, guiding, non-policing question from a Mentor: “Your last three crashes happened at night using your phone in bed. Does something need to change? Is it time to get an alarm clock and charge your phone elsewhere? What’s your plan?” (See the Draw the Line worksheet.)
Pornography
Sexualized images or visual content.
Soft-core porn: Naked bodies
Hard-core porn: Sexual acts
See also Pre-porn
Pre-porn
Content not classified as pornography (e.g., clothing catalogs, advertisements, or suggestive text) that is nonetheless used for sexual arousal. Jesus clearly identifies this as sin (Matthew 5:27–30).
Program Phone Calls
Regularly scheduled weekly calls with an accountability partner, designed to bring hidden struggles into the open. These are distinct from emergency calls, which happen at the onset of temptation. (Contrast with Emergency Phone Calls.)
R
Relapse
Returning to old sinful behaviors and crossing personal boundaries into unwanted sexual behavior (USB).
S
Safe (“Do you feel safe?”)
A self-check question that asks: Do I have a plan to act out? Are there loopholes I haven’t closed? Am I keeping secrets?
SHE Triggers
Triggers that lead to temptation, falling into three categories: Sexual, Habitual, or Emotional. Triggers often begin as non-sexual but can quickly lead to severe temptation.
Sobriety / Sobriety Streak
The number of days since the last incident of USB. While commonly used to measure progress (e.g., “30 days sober”), it is not the most accurate measure of sexual health. Without addressing the underlying drivers of sin, even long sobriety streaks can end in relapse.
Stay Safe Plan
A proactive strategy to avoid temptation, tailored to known vulnerabilities (time of day, location, access, etc.). This plan is shared with others for accountability and updated regularly as new loopholes are identified.
T
Tool
A practical technique or resource that helps resist USB temptation.
Two-Part Journaling
A practice of writing (or using voice-to-text) to explore one’s inner world. This helps identify emotions, thoughts, and patterns. (See the example in the Free to Photocopy section.)
U
USS (Unwanted Sexual Sin)
Thoughts and actions that violate Jesus’s teaching in Matthew 5: looking with lustful intent. Examples include:
Lustful fantasy: Mentally placing oneself into sinful scenarios.
Masturbation: Self-stimulation for arousal, pleasure, or release.
Pre-porn: Suggestive material used for arousal, even if not classified as pornography.
Pornography: Sexualized images or descriptions.
In-person sexual encounters: Sexual abuse, fornication, or adultery.
Any content or activity that fuels lustful fantasy is sin.
V
Vow
An internal promise — spoken or unspoken — made in reaction to pain or fear (e.g., “I will never tell anyone what happened,” “I will never forgive him,” “I can never be free”). These vows can give the enemy influence. When recognized, they should be renounced through prayer.
Example prayer: “Heavenly Father, I recognize that I vowed never to forgive. That was wrong. Please forgive me. Now I cancel that vow and declare that my choice, through Christ, is to forgive. In Jesus’ name, I forbid the enemy to use that vow against me again.”
W
White-Knuckling
Relying on sheer willpower to avoid USB. This often leads to exhaustion and makes one more vulnerable to temptation.
“Why do I do the things I hate?”
The struggle of wanting to please God but falling into sinful actions under pressure or pain. Rather than trying to destroy the part of us that craves sin, we learn to listen, identify the underlying lie, and invite God’s truth. (See Clear-thinking Me and Little Me / Panic Me.)
Withdrawal
The mental, emotional, and physical discomfort after stopping dopamine-driven behaviors like USB, drugs, alcohol, or nicotine. Symptoms may include irritability, mood swings, restlessness, insomnia (“can’t sleep”), low energy, brain fog, loneliness, intense emotion, or depression. Recovery from USB often involves these withdrawal symptoms, but they are temporary. With time and God’s help, the brain adjusts back to normal dopamine levels.